11-16

11/30

Morning comes
Without fail
After the worst of nights
Sun has consistently been there to greet
Remind
Grant chances
I have not always welcomed this
At times I have petitioned for opposite
I have pressed cheek to earth willing myself to come undone
Operating in fear that I could not come back from blunder
I know what it is like to desire no more mornings
consider returning to the clay I am made of
I have spent many sorrowful evenings convincing my spirit that good things bloom from unfinished remains
Crying in an octave only ancestors could hear- oh how I longed to join them
But but by powers beyond my control
I have stayed around to see mornings
Perspective did not morph overnight
But dawn offered clarity
Brought me others that dread the sun
And gave me venue to talk freely
Share story
Of nighttime worries
You see mornings gave me opportunity
To find purpose
To discover me
To fight for those who dread new days

12/30
Migraine, migraine
Please go away
I have shit to do
And lives to change

13/30
Dream 
Beyond the walls you have built for yourself
It is terrifying 
Having to deconstruct how freely you issue "I can't"
When ability has nothing to do with it
When you truly stand face to mirror and look closely
You'll see canceling on your potential saved you nothing
Fear has been frienemy that you just can't kick out your life
Wasting growth building opportunities
Because you had no expertise
You have always been one to encourage others
Cheer for you
Realize the dialogue that exists in your brain
Sets stage for all that happens around it
The uneasiness in your belly may always be there
But that has nothing to do with your feet
Walk when you find yourself uncomfortable
Build up your tolerance to the anxiety
Anything you hunger for will cause your nerves to tingle
Take it as message that you are doing something right
Keep going
Fight off the monsters under your bed that encourage paralysis
Use or lose
Your gifts were not given for you to cower

14/30
I like quotes
Inspirational sayings are my coping skill 
Words strung together for the purpose of uplifting
Fleeting boosts to my mood
There is no way I can remember every proverb I screen cap
But knowing that someone in the world felt enough like me to create a graphic warms my heart
Words are transformative that way

15/30
I have spent many hours daydreaming about alternate arcs
Altering characters
Changing settings
Introducing plot twists
I have done my fair share of internal storytelling
None of it ever made it to paper
My stories never became reality
Not because of feasibility
But because breaking free means taking action
That I have not been willing to perform
You see thinking of a dream is easy
Having a strong desire on your heart doesn't require much effort
But that follow through has been missing
Carrying out my contemplations involve saying them out loud
Allowing the magic to slip between my fingers
The promise will now be public
Available for general scrutiny
Terrifying to know that there will be potential witnesses to your failure
Better to stand still then to trip on the world’s stage
Dorothy without the sidekicks and soundtrack
I have been searching for change when I’ve never lacked the ability
To create change
In my settings
introduce new characters
Write my own twists
Someone once told me that every emotion ties back to one of two things
love or fear
I have decided to love myself
Fear has no place in my story

16/30
11:11
Let’s make a wish
Leave this up to chance
Let’s believe in make believe again
Memorize this moment we will never see again
Perhaps fate will be kind to us
Take pity on souls who still believe in magic
And honor our request