Dear Kelse,

Still have to remind myself of this "lesson" every now and then

Letter to a little brown girl with skin the color somewhere in between toffee and coffee but not quite chocolate

Your soul is more beautiful than any video girls make up. Make up your mind with that resolution now and your life will be a lot easier come eighth grade. Don’t let the under and over development of your body cause you to lose your faith. You are more than your earthly shell and deserve far more than any boy calling you sexy babe so wait steadfastly for the man who will rack his brain trying to find a word to describe the beautiful music your soul makes when its praising its creator because that’s what attracts him to you.

Your imagination is unmatched

Curiosity - invaluable

And your heart is larger than the big hopes you had for humanity that you planned to make reality
Despite what your first grade teacher said

PLEASE don’t let your precious spirit start to wither up and self destruct at the age of five along with your parents marriage

HOLD ON to the tenets that you learned in bible school. Your faith was undeniable then. Sunday was your favorite occasion and you hugged Jesus every night after you said your prayers. Don’t let that falter just because time altered the way things used to be.

Remember that change is good for your soul. It keeps you fresh and on your toes. Learn to embrace it and face the music like a champ. Let God’s love forever be on the tip of your tongue so that every naysayer you come in contact with never be able to claim they never heard the word.

Embrace individuality, don’t let it take over your life so much what people think. Rebel but not against the wrong things. Righteousness is always the right choice.

Cherish your siblings. Though three out of four you don’t know very well they are still a blessing. because they have a firsthand understanding of the crap you go through. None of you can control which way your blood flows but it’s there and not changing so get used to it. Who knows, maybe you’ll discover some beautiful secrets on the way.

And please know God don’t make no junk but there are people out there who peddle it harder than men on Imperial tactlessly selling bootlegs. I warn you that everything that glitters aint gold and everything that sounds deep don’t got soul. Demons often don’t announce themselves loudly rather they leave subtle clues that can only be deciphered when you let God through. Make note of how it feels to have Him whispering to your spirit and be sure to always open yourself up to correction when you hear it.

Your stubbornness and hatred of injustice will come in handy one day. Don’t sell out to the dollar because it’s the thing to do. When you stay in God’s will, the blessings will follow you.

Smile. Often and hard. Not just in front of the camera. Real life deserves the opportunity to embrace the love that your upturned lips exude so don’t be stingy.

Friends. That is one topic that will deplete your tear ducts, add to your insomnia, and make you generally hate your big hearted nature. But at the end of the day, some will come along who make all the hell you go through a little worthwhile.

If you haven’t already figured it out. You like to talk. ALOT. That hasn’t changed. Your words are precious jewels. They’re not meant for everybody. Know when to spread the wealth and when to save them for later. It will save you a lot of drama.

In your lifetime you will come across many obstacles that challenge you to your core. People who hide venom behind their smile. Some carry their daggers in plain sight, others exhibit cowardice. I would say don’t stress over these situations but I know you will. Just make sure you learn something from the ignorance that makes you better.

Life is hard but in the end it is the most beautiful journey you could ever take and only you can live it.

I don’t have all the answers

Nor have I asked all the questions

But I have deduced a few things

And I wanted to hypocritically let you in on the wisdom that I know but don’t always apply.

Maybe if I give myself a head start I can correct some of the blemishes of transition.

But then again life can’t be photoshopped.

Or pre-rehearsed

The ignorance we are equipped with is a prerequisite for the lessons we have to learn

and dealing with the blemishes of life is what make the great moments shine so bright in our memory.

With that being said

Please disregard this letter

You’ll figure it all out soon enough

And will be glad I didn’t spoil the surprise

Sincerely,
Kelsey

Ghost Girl

I’ve heard it said that it never rains in southern California

But clearly

Tony Toni Toné never visited 57th street on the right day

Because if they had..

They would know that the rain was frequent and heavy

Gushing from the tear ducts of a ghost girl I used to know who never felt worthy

She dreams of a way out

But always wakes up to nightmares

And it’s not fair

That we live in a world

Where little girls are

Cast into dreadful circumstances

Preconditioning them for a life of sin

Before they even had a chance

It just doesn’t seem right

That we live two vastly different lives

And while I’m proud of my accomplishments

I can’t turn a blind eye to the fact that this sister

MY sister

Didn’t start on an even playing field

That three digit address she resided in wasn’t a home to her

If the walls were one to gossip they’d tell you the misconduct that goes on between them

Grandfathers playing games that borderlined impropriety with unassuming granddaughters

Who had no one to confide in because

Daddy wasn’t there

And Mama didn’t much care one way or another

Too busy searching in vain for a brotha

Instead for ghost girl she made little brothers

And sisters

Some she kept

Some she aborted with money she extorted from her misters

And the schooling she received violated her eighth amendment rights

Because being publicly called stupid by a first grade teacher can scar a child for life

And I’m sure that that can be classified as cruel and usual

And so can the endless playground teasing that followed her all the way up to high school

Where the taunts became more subtle yet increasingly hurtful at the same time

Mistreated all her life

Raped of her innocence

Beaten of her kindness

She suffered silently in abuse

So much anguish so little time

Brainwashed to think her sole purpose in life was misuse

She was never the one to wear her heart on her sleeve

Instead she kept it tucked away in the back pocket of her favorite jeans

Casually molesting it every so often to make sure it was still there

But keeping it close by for easy access to give it away to the first person who acted like they cared

To anyone who would make her for one second feel relevant to life

See she wasn’t aware

That her heart was her was the wellspring of life

Her most valuable possession

And should be guarded with all her might

All she knew was that by giving it away the chances of her receiving love spiked

But she never got what she craved

Never was fully satisfied

Because she viewed herself as broken

Damaged goods

Unwhole as a individual

So she offered up her holes as compensation

Hoping that filling the empty spaces in her body with male appendages

Would somehow close the gap in her heart

Deprived of affection as a child

And adolescence didn’t do her much better

She had no real basis to go off of

She subscribed to the big 3: movies, radio and TV

Thought the media had all the answers

If only she could adapt her one of a kind life to their one size fits all plan

Then she’d be all right

Came to the conclusion that this love thing was just what she needed in her life

And made it her mission to find the faceless man who could somehow heal her pain

Figured that even Disney princess had to kiss a few frogs so

What’s a little rain?

Every now and then

But see she underexaggerated the circumstances

Never once considered that her romances

Had an adverse effect on her psyche

Her whole life she heard sex was supposed to make you feel better

But why then instead of tears of ecstasy did drops of pain stain her face

She didn’t know the answer and didn’t have the patience to wait

She continued to search for a band aid in flesh form

Erroneously thinking that fucking and sucking could make this hurt go away

But the more and more she did that h

The more she found it was there to stay

Still she was too stuck in her ways to make a change

You see that required her to take interest in where her life was headed

And she had checked out a long time ago

She was vicariously existing

Thriving off of the inconstant pseudo affection

Which correlated with the time-span of some random dude’s erection

She lived life on the edge

Easier to just not give a damn rather than run the risk of failure

See her moral compass stopped ticking a long time ago

Started issuing IOUs because her soul was out of order

And it didn’t look like it was getting fixed anytime soon

Meanwhile her life is just one big monsoon

Raindrop after raindrop

Roll from her eyelids

Each one representing her insecurities

Yet in her pity party she finds security

Comfort

Her low standards

Help her to never be disappointed

I watch this tragedy from afar

Knowing that it doesn’t have to be this way

I wish that she would still talk to me and maybe then I could say

Stop

Allowing other’s transgressions to cause you to miss out on your blessing

I know

It’s hard to picture yourself as being beautiful

When most of the people you’ve interacted with have led you to believe otherwise

But understand that you answer to a higher authority and their opinions pale in comparison

And I wish I could find you a mirror clear enough to show you God’s love inscribed on every inch of your being

Wish that I could superglue Psalm 139:14 & Jeremiah 29:11 or her forehead so every time she looked in that mirror she’d be reassured of her purpose

Know that God didn’t create her to live like she was worthless

And understand no matter how much life hurts it’s only temporary

That trials build character and testimony

And that nothing and no one in this world can fulfill you like your Creator

So stop looking

When it’s time he will come

And you’ll have much more in common

Than how much you both like it when he comes

Until then work on you

I wish I could

She continues to gamble her life away

Each year she ups the ante

Hoping for a big pay day

Not realizing that the game is not a game at all

There are no shortcuts or substitutes

You realize there will be good hands and bad hands

Times of laughter and agony

And you can wallow or you can blossom

But life will still go on regardless

And to truly be a winner

Get to know the owner

Realize that everything is not what it seems

And the first step to changing your reality

Is waking up from your day dream

Four Letter Words

You tumbled off my lips like deviant fruit

I Eve'd your existence

Relinquishing you to a clueless Adam

To do with you what he pleased

He willfully accepted

Offering me his imitation of you

I should have God-ggled it first

With one brief glance at the images

I would have realized this was nothing like1st Corinthians

You were not mature enough to be on your own

More than that

You were not mine to give away

You became a casualty of my casualness

Carelessly I reconfigured your existence as a synonym for short term lust

I am so sorry

Love

How dare I play with your emotion?