Poems and Ramblings

As I mentioned I'm a poet and I go through serious droughts of creativity where I'm at a loss for words-literally. Well today at 3 in the morning, my thirst was quenched. I banged out this poem out of nowhere. I don't really know who it's about, it's a hybrid of about 5 different relationships and I kind of just went with it. Enjoy

Ignored Expiration Dates

Pardon me
If my smile aint as big as it used to be
If my words don’t flow as easy
If I’m not as bubbly
And I just don’t seem too comfortable

It’s probably because I’m not
And it probably has something to do with that ugly thing that shows up every time you come around
You know I’m not a fan of animals
Let alone elephants
But one always seems to lurk in corners during our exchanges
Add that to the long list of things we don’t talk about

I’m definitely starting to notice a pattern
Of blank stares
And awkward chuckles
Reminding me more and more of how
I just don’t know where I fit in this your puzzle you call your life
My shape has changed
For the better
And what you call deformed
I call it treasure
Just one of the many ways our outlooks are different
No better
No worse
Just different
But when the differences start to add up
And there are more of those than sames
Then it kinda becomes problematic right?
If commonalities no longer exist then what?

I know it’s not your fault that there are these huge awkward pauses where comfort used to live
I mean while you were out doing you
It probably never crossed your mind that me wouldn’t be able to follow
And it wasn’t your responsibility to make room for me in your busy schedule
In fact
It’s probably best you didn’t
Include me in the things that your stories are made of
I’d probably have to make up an excuse to leave early
After all
We all know I’m not one to sit back and cosign on things foreign to my nature
That I thought were just as unfamiliar to you
But it’s funny what time and distance can do
Funny what life and more living can do

Neither one of us could have predicted this
We always knew we were on separate paths
But who would have thought they would have been so freaking opposite
I’m sorry that our experiences don’t parallel anymore
And I can’t relate to the rants that define your existence
I have no experience in that department
And though I can strive to empathize
You and me both know my heart isn’t in it
When I try
It usually sounds like muffled disinterest
It looks like irises searching walls to avoid yours
Mmhmms and headnods that don’t correspond with underlying feelings we both know are there
And sometimes I feel that the silence that follows does a better job of telling the truth than I do

And that troubles me because friendship is supposed to be about honesty right?
And honestly it’s bugging me that I don’t have the desire to fight
It bothers me that I’m content with being this
Lackluster
Half invested
Play pretend
Friend
And sometimes I secretly daydream about when it will all end
When we’ll both admit we’re just glorified acquaintances
And stop playing this game
We both know that we’re not at home with each other anymore
And our hearts don’t really line up the way it used to do

But we don’t want to let go
The memories of past kinship
Smiles, tears and everything in between
They used to mean everything
They make it hard to cut losses and walk away
So we go on
Faking the funk
Smiling with half our souls
And listening with only a quarter of interest
One day we’ll finally be tired enough
Of the silence
And get the courage to say goodbye
With our mouths
Like our hearts did
So long ago
I used to believe that friends were nonperishable items
But sometimes even people you love expire

Pardon me if I'm just not ready to take out the trash